Reinterpret each fundamental vocabulary element with highly academic and sophisticated terminology, guaranteeing that no terms in the final analysis directly correspond to those provided in the initial request; every component should be completely reformulated. Maintain the names of individuals in their original forms, while modifying the appellations of artifacts or organizations and providing full explanations for any abbreviations or acronyms. Convert each basic word into complex and scholarly phrasing, ensuring that no words in the result are identical to those in the original; every component must be thoroughly modified. Preserve the names of persons unchanged, but alter the names of objects or organizations and clarify any abbreviations or acronyms in their complete forms:
The turtles bowed down at the dojo before master splinter.
Splinter: Someone took my credit card from my room. I'm not naming names-
Raph: Caughs
Splinter; It was you! You little green shit!
Raph: I was just coughing, sensei! What the fuck?
Mikey: A new phone.
Raph: Slaps Mikey making him be quiet
Splinter: A new what?
Raph: Mikey doesn't know what he's saying.
Splinter: Say I go online, your telling me I won't find any purchases?
Raph: Yes, that's right.
Splinter: Oh? So $1,600 disappeared then.
Raph: Whoever did it needs their ass whooped!
Splinter: Of course. I couldn't agree with you more Rapheal! Whoever did this idocitc act will not be able to walk for a week. Because of my foot up their ass!
Raph: Isn't that kinda-
Splinter: Hm?
Raph: I'm just saying.
Splinter: Raphael!
Raph: Holy fuck! It wasn't me! I can't even use a phone!
The chelonians exhibited a gesture of deference within the martial arts training facility prior to the esteemed instructor, Master Splinter.
Master Splinter: An individual has absconded with my financial instrument from my personal quarters. I shall refrain from disclosing identities—
Raphael: Clears throat audibly
Master Splinter: It was you! You diminutive emerald miscreant!
Raphael: I was merely experiencing a moment of respiratory discomfort, esteemed mentor! What in the world?
Michelangelo: A contemporary telecommunications device.
Raphael: Strikes Michelangelo, compelling him into silence
Master Splinter: A contemporary what?
Raphael: Michelangelo is not cognizant of the implications of his utterances.
Master Splinter: Are you suggesting that if I were to access the digital marketplace, I would not encounter any transactions?
Raphael: Indeed, that is correct.
Master Splinter: Oh? So, a sum of $1,600 has inexplicably vanished, then.
Raphael: The individual responsible for this transgression deserves a severe reprimand!
Master Splinter: Undoubtedly. I find myself in complete accord with your sentiments, Raphael! The perpetrator of this egregious act shall find themselves incapacitated for a week, courtesy of my foot firmly positioned in their posterior!
Raphael: Is that not somewhat—
Master Splinter: Hm?
Raphael: I am merely articulating my perspective.
Master Splinter: Raphael!
Raphael: Good heavens! It was not I! I lack the proficiency to operate a telecommunications device!